You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
