well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
