His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
