wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
