Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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