I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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