went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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