Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
