Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
birth control should be required to get into college
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
