Got a toothbrush?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
