It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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