90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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