i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
