Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You made out with two different species that night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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