glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
