census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dick very happy bro
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
