My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
