His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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