dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
