I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
