I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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