the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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