Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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