he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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