Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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