as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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