my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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