The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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