im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
