I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're so committed to being not committed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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