wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
