he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
