Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
