I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize