i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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