is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
