Four minutes until I can fart!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
