We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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