Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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