the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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