so explain again why im purple
no
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
