this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
