I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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