it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my poor anus
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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