So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
