Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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