I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
