You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
