This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
