It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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