I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.