I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken