Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.