I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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