ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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