So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
