I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
