i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
