he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize