I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
