If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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