Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
